Jamaica "Pre-Flight" briefing...

[SisterPro]

Ever wonder if Jamaican buses were set up like Airlines with the flight attendant and captain giving safety instructions?
Check dis out...

Bus driver speaking on the intercom :

"Welcome to Bus numba 40, running from Papine to Down Town Kingston. Please direct your attention to di Ducta who will instruct yuh on our safety and model features."

ConDucta: "Hail up massive! We want you to know that you are riding on the safest bus dat run pan di Paipine to Down town route. The mogle of our bus is a 1980 Elcava, owned and operated by Rough Rider transports. Dis mogle can survive any adversities an cantravasies. As unu can si dis bus get nuff lick up an bad man shot it up nuff time an it still a drive like new!

Dis bus seat up to 55 passengers, howeva, due to our commitment to hexcellent service, wi do not leave anybady straddling in di streets. So expect to have up to 140 people in yah by di time wi reach down town.

During di journey we may encounta unexpected turbulences. These are known as pot holes. In di case of a sudden bump please refrain fram bawling out 'Lard Jesas mi dead now!' Our driva is an experience driva an will mek sure di axle an wheel noh bruck aff ina one a dem.

But incase wi drap ina one an caan come out please do not climb troo di window dem til unu pay unu bus fare else I will shat unu r*ss wid mi 45.

This bus not equipped with seat belts. Please hole on pon di railing when di bus a tun di carna dem. The bus is capable of driving pon 2 wheels around all corners and bends. When di bus a tun one wicked carna pon 2 wheelie, wi ask dat our seating passengers bear it if smaddy slide dung ina dem seat an squash yuh gainst di bus side.

Our seating passengers may experience standing passengers loosing dem balance an falling ova pon unu .. please do not yell out, 'Hey batty bway, come off a mi R*ss Lap!' Dat may cause a serious shoot out!

On exiting the bus please don't expect di bus to come to a full stop. Wi asking dat yuh hop off a di bus step skillfully .. if unu drap an lan pon unu backside an bruck sinting, Rough Rider noh response. This is NOT a non-stop journey. As a matta fact wi stop any which part wi waan fi stop, at every yaad gate - all ina miggle road wi stop.

Howeva dis bus noh stop fi police incase of an unexpected police chase, the driva will be forced to increase the bus' normal speed from 100 ml/hr to 160 ml/hr. Yuh will be instructed to hole on tight an shet unu mout. Incase this bus is hijacked by a terrorist known as "pick pocket", hole di bway an murda im to r*ss.

With that said, if wi reach down town ina one piece please prepare for new passengers fi shoob unu dung before unu can get off. Noh mine dem as seat kina ration. Tank yuh for teking di ireiest Rough Rider Elcava pon di route ..and hope you enjoy di ride.
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