Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 12:18 am Post subject: How do you do it
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Dentists do it orally || Cops do it with cuffs || DJ's do it on request || Truckers do it in the road || Soldiers do it under orders || Detectives do it under cover || Australians do it Down Under || Zoologists do it with animals || Gardeners do it in the bushes || Gas attendants Pump all day || Firemen do it with a big hose || Frank Sinatra does it his way || Engineers do it to specification || Garbagemen cum twice a week || Chess players check their Mates || Ambulance drivers come quicker || Pianists touch, tickle, and titillate! || Housewives do it for an allowance || Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast || Mountain Climbers like to be on top || Waiters and waitresses do it for tips || Accountants do it with Double Entry || Landlords do it every 1st of the month || Acupuncturists do it with a small prick || Travel Agents do it in lots of different places || Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure || Don't do it with Bankers, most of them are Tellers || Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free || Bankers do it with interest, Bartenders do it on the Rocks || Watch out for tennis players - love means nothing to them! || And Last, But Not Least || Postal Workers - Lick It Before We Stick It
1. Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa...virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia...hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America... fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 58, she is like Europe...exhausted, but still has many points of interest.
5. After 58 she is like Australia...everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.
Ya know ya is a bajan when..... BY Akan
1. you refer to a national holiday as a bank holiduh
2. jug is somethin ya eat and not somethin ya does put ya food in
3. ya does move scruffy
4. Cheese on bread aint got nuttin to do wid being hungry
5. ya uses words like fowl ****, rock stone and ram goat
6. somebody stupid is actually a poppit
7. every childhood game can be played for licks
8. soup is a bit of water and nuff dumplings, potatoes, yams, eddoes and any other ground provision ya could find
9. any hot beverage is considered tea - cocoa tea, coffee tea, tea tea, green tea
10. you finish sentences wid dennn
11. you can buy a pint and a half of cockspur in a rum shop without anyone asking you for ID even though you're only 12 years old
12. you take sick people to the horsepital
13. IMF means I man father
14. you have a bad fall and ya either lick up, break up, skin up or catspraddle
15. the word horn does not conjure up images of Dizzy Gillespie or Jazz music
16. tek is more than the name of a toothbrush
17. dub is the force, dub is...the.....force!!!!
18. yuh does eat leadpipes!!!
19. yuh does see the humour in a cartoon named "gumby and pokey"!!!
20. de cardinal points is eass, wess norf and sowf!!
21. yuh constantly explaining dat de dolphin you does eat is a fish and not a mammal!
22. nuh fish doan taste like a fish from Baxter's road!!
23. a bread and two is not 3 breads!!!
24. de word "foop" is not a "sound word like "voop" and "woosh"!!!
25. a cutter is not a sharp utensil.
26. All de seasons uh de year start wid "C" - Congaline, Crop Over, Cricket and Christmas!!!
27. choice bread doan mean a good selection!!
28. yuh does stupse when yuh hear a Tobagonian talking bout "their flying fish"
29. a snakebite does only mek you drunk or tipsy - depending pun how much bites yuh have!!!
30. liming infront Cave Shepherd is a integral part a growin' up.
31. yuh pun a "brasion"!!
32. even ef yuh only goin' tuh de beech, yuz be dress dung in bare hard gear,
33. yuh doan got tuh be mystical tuh be gypsy,
34. yuh just cyant guh town an' doan see someone yuh know.
35. when somebody call ya pun de phone and sa 'wait you still home?' or when da see ya pun de road and ask ya if ya still living.
36. yuh don't have to be drinking to ask for a scotch.
37. yuh don't have to be spiteful to be malicious.
38. yuh call every stranger either boss man, partner or skipper.
39. it could barely get overcast and everybody coming school in a sweater.
40. yuh call a man a 'johnny' and de man name Kevin.
41. asking 'fuh piece' cud mean :"gimme a turn", "mek some room for me" or "u cud as well gimme de whole ting coz i licrish"
42. 'banks' not only good for keeping ya money.
43. school work does got yuh "caffufle."
44. when it too hard to spell some a de things ya does say: "wahever" "gohblenya"
45. You can "go in Kentucky" or go up Miami Beach without leaving the Country.
46. You say "whappenin" even at a funeral.
47. De word unmarley en got nutten tuh do wid Bob
48. Yuh understand de word bozie.
49. De word juk could be a noun or a verb
50. De word collins don mean somebody name
51. The word BULL has endless meanings
52.if yuh cyan believe someting true yuh does either say "Wait?!" or "fuh chu?!"
53. if being "sporty" hardly have enyting to do wid sports
54. de word 'Oba' is synonymous wid track and field.
55. if ya 'did de dawg', it has nothing to do wid a canine.
56. "don't off-set me!" is used to mean "leff me lone".
57. You distinguish between public and private owned transport by 'bus' and 'van'.
58. You 'skin ya teeth' when you smile and 'put up ya face' when you frown.
59. You can 'go up St Lucy' and 'go down St Lucy' without changing direction
60.Words like 'hard' and 'bad' have 30 different meanings
61.The word liberty brings to mind 98.1 and not freedom
62.The warehouse is always the warehouse no matter what they name it
63.You speak of 'the van stand' and everyone knows what you are talking about even though they are three of them.
64. The beach refers to the South or West Coast and Bathsheba is anywhere on the East Coast
65.yuh know dat 'hard wine' ain got nuttin tuh do wid liquor
66.yuh might tink dat being a half idiot is worse than being a idiot
67..Hell is de worse place ever was, and the best...You could look good as hell, and dem fishcakes could be oily as hell, that garbage pile could smell stink as hell...
68 .you know the licence plates of all public transportation, and you are on first name basis with de drivers...
69.You could be hot wid perspiration, vex with botheration and sick wid palpitations.
70.being described as real ignorant is a compliment
71. you spell college with a 'k' and a 'j'!
72. Yuh live 5 minutes from de beach and does get a sea-bath 5 times a year...
73.When somebody got talk fuh you, dem does never >be talking to YOU.
74. Yuh don't have to be an Athlete to know bout de "runnings"
75. "hold" doan necessarily mean "to hold" cuz yuh cud "hol' nuff, nuff licks" in a fight.
76.yuh could be anywhere in Bim and still be guin' down East Coast Rd."
77. Yuh noah dat "pickin a lime" ain gots nuttin to do wid a visit to de orchard.
78. Yuh noah dat de Dipper is a person an not a constellation
79. when you give directions like this. bubble up the street, Make a right at the mango tree. Go all the way down till you get to 3 rude boys liming on the block. You will see an esso. dont turn there, make a left.
you will see a green house. That not it, go striaght. Its the blue house in front of the Two dunk trees. You can' mis it. It has the white Toyota Camey with the plates S001 in front of it.
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants more than 100%. Well here's how you do that. Here's how you can achieve 103%. First of all, here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future. How does one achieve 100% in LIFE? Begin by noting the following:
A = 1,B = 2,C = 3,D = 4,E = 5,F = 6,G = 7, H = 8, I = 9, J = 10, K = 11, L = 12, M = 13, N = 14, O = 15, P = 16, Q = 17, R = 18,S =19, T = 20, U = 21, V = 22, W = 23, X = 24, Y = 25 and Z = 26
H A R D W O R K is 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = Only 98%
Similarly, K N O W L E D G E is 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = Only 96%
But interesting (and as you'd expect),
A T T I T U D E is 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% ... This is how you achieve 100% in LIFE.
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO NOTE (or REALIZE), is
B U L L S H I T is 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
So now you know what all those high-priced consultants, upper management, and motivational speakers really mean when they want to exceed 100%!
Post subject: Jonah and the Whale
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though
they were a very large mammal their throat was very
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher
reitterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied,
"Then you ask him." _________________ Placed your items in Miss Babes shop and get results http://missbabesitems.com
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